• Kid: Yeah give me a pack of Marlboro Reds.
  • Cashier: Are you 18?
  • Kid: It's okay, they're a metaphor.

cockringtoss:

*strategically places snapchat text box over acne*

generalfactotom:

war-ant:

they play no games

Omfg
nirvanaschild:

nirvanaschild:

happy easter & 420 from me and bb

i already miss it

airoehead:

I like being sent legit anon asks it’s like being interviewed by a fan

lesbianvenom:

seventeen magazine has officially lost it

minxiekitten:

raubbenhood:

Disneyworld needs to make a rollercoaster based off of the ride Yzma and Kronk take to the lair. When the ride starts, Yzma’s voice yells “pull the lever, Kronk!” and the ride starts to move backwards so she yells “wrong lever!” and it shoots you forward.

WHY IS THIS NOT HAPPENING?!

hellacatholic:

"mr. president why is ur hand on the launch nukes button"
“it’s a metaphor”

unlawfully:

Having a cute waiter like I’ll have the chicken with a side of that dick

©